There’s so much to be brokenhearted about, living in the United States in the midst of a fascist, damaging regime. But whatever frustration and sorrow there may be from within this once great nation, the feeling changes when one leaves it. The heartache becomes a self-conscious shame.
At least, that’s the feeling I anticipate, and have already begun to internalize, as I prepare to attend AIDS2026, the 26th annual international AIDS conference being held July 26-31, 2026, in Rio de Janeiro.
The federal cuts to global health are devastating and criminally cruel. Funding for prevention strategies like PrEP have taken a nosedive. Global condom distribution networks – condoms! – have been obliterated. Hundreds of millions of dollars in research has been simply abandoned, with no hope of restarting the trials. To say nothing about South Africa, to which the administration has raised its middle finger and turned its back completely.
This environment has made it uncomfortable, if not overwhelmingly embarrassing, to show my face as an American at the international conference.
At a recent media webinar hosted by the International AIDS Society, which produces AIDS2026, various embargoed studies that will be presented at the conference were discussed. There on my screen were officials working in public health from around the world, gingerly referring to massive cuts in global HIV funding. My heart sank for the entire hour.
I wanted to scream into a pillow, or worse. The elephant in the room, and in most global rooms these days, was the Trump Administration, in this case its draconian cuts to public health and its stupidity about the nature of HIV around the world. It is difficult to wrap your head around the short-sightedness, the abject cruelty, and all those dead bodies yet to come. (UNAIDS estimates the Trump administration cuts will lead to 3 to 6 million preventable deaths in the next few years.)
Finally, I submitted a written question to the esteemed panel. It read:
This is Mark S. King, a USA advocate and 41 year HIV survivor, writing for my site, “My Fabulous Disease,” and POZ Magazine. I have witnessed the USA ignore AIDS in the early years and then eventually become a leader in global funding for HIV prevention and treatment. I am ashamed of the cuts to PEPFAR and other programs that will lead to illness and death, as proven by the embargoed research studies. My question: how does it feel for the international community to view our administration, if not the USA generally, as “the bad guys?” Personally, I will be ashamed and self-conscious at AIDS2026. We have drastically changed from an ally to a villain.
First, the kindly moderator assured me I should not feel ashamed and that people were able to disassociate the person from the country’s policies. Okay.
There has been extensive sociological research and volumes of literature written about the collective guilt and shame of the German people after World War II. Hitler murdered 6 million Jewish people. The American cuts to foreign HIV prevention and care, as above, will approach that number within a few years if nothing is done. So, I stand by my shame, and my fear of an existential threat.
The other panelists, accomplished public health leaders all, responded to my question carefully, as if not to wake a sleeping monster napping nearby. We know who that monster is.
I honestly do not know how it will feel once I am in Brazil and the conference is underway. I imagine I will have the soothing balm of being in the company of thousands of like-minded advocates from around the world, and there will likely be carnival parades and colorful displays throughout my favorite aspect of this conference, The Global Village.
But nothing can shake my feelings of profound guilt and shame for the murderous damage my country has unleashed upon the world. By God, there had better be protests at AIDS2026 against the policies of the United States and the blood on our hands.
Americans have learned the consequences of apathy in the face of political turmoil. We have been rewarded with chaos and death, here and abroad. It would behoove the attendees of AIDS2026 to name the monster and begin to fight back.
Mark
Thank you Mark for continuing to keep us informed. <3 I'm aware but not as much as I am now that you've defined what's happening and the devastation it aims to cause. … I find it hard to say anything else. I feel numb now. Grateful for such a front line warrior as yourself. OX
Thanks for this perspective. With all the damage this monster is doing to our country, most Americans who are horrified by him and his administration are focused on what directly impacts them – high prices, cuts to social services, cuts to Medicaid and other heath-related services (women’s and family services, vaccinations, mental health counseling). But many don’t realize how the every day parade of horrors affects the international community. His USAID cuts alone have killed or will kill millions. It will take decades, if not generations, to repair all the damage, if it can be repaired. At 65 years old, I am seeing something I never thought I would see and live through in person – the destruction of our democracy by one man. Shame on us.
LOL! This is brilliant and spot on as usual Mark!…
Thanks Mark, for verbalizing what many of us have been feeling. But just as there were “Good Germans” who risked their lives to resist, hide escaping Jews, etc, we can take comfort that we’re doing what we can–even at the risk of losing funding for the work that many of have devoted our lives to.
Sadly this is not the first Trump presidency, and I recall from my travels in Europe during his first administration that people realize that the Americans who want to travel to other countries and experience their cultures are not the enemy. We can take solace in that now, and work together to mitigate the damage as much as we can. After the end of any fascist regime, the question will be: “What did YOU do to fight back?”
The important thing, for me, is that you are attending and representing the good that is in you and in America, despite the evil scum in the White House.
Absolutely disagree with your concern about you being confused with the actual monster(s) who have actually cut USAID. We all feel your distress and horror at the consequences that will come from this aid being withdrawn – hopefully the next Administration will reinstate the cancelled assistance before people suffer irrevocable health consequences. All people of the world know who is to blame. He is a disgusting soul.
Hi Mark. I think people are perfectly able to distinguish a lifelong HIV activist from the decisions of his government. It will be an honour to stand alongside you in Rio and protest not just against the cuts, but above all against this administration’s strategy of dismantling multilateral cooperation on HIV and replacing it with bilateral, transactional relationships designed to serve US interests first. At the same time, the US continues to face one of the worst HIV epidemics in the wealthy world. Add to this the constant delegitimization of international institutions—and the attempt to replace them with mechanisms under US control—and the damage goes far beyond HIV. It is an attack on the very idea that global health requires global cooperation.
The cuts are only the symptom. The real disease is the dismantling of multilateral cooperation.