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My mega-blog week with The Bilerico Project

This week I am honored to be a “guest host” for The Bilerico Project, the leading online blogging salon for GLBT commentary, politics and culture. My job is to contribute three times a day and get out of my HIV rut! I’m having fun with pop culture topics you don’t normally see around here (although my most discussed posting so far is about the tension between HIV positive and negative gay men, and it has managed to piss off both).

Here’s a collection of the postings so far for the week. You can always post a comment here, or feel free to leave one at the posts’ Bilerico location. Any friend of mine is a friend of theirs.

Critic Foyer ArtThe Critic’s Foyer. When Gene Shalit announced he was leaving The Today Show after 40 years of reviewing movies, somebody had to take the job, right? With apologies to Mr. Shalit’s “The Critic’s Corner,” here is my gay, snarky, snappy review of recent movies. This was a fun video to produce!

Jockstrap Red - CopyJocks are Sexy. Straps are Silly. Jockstraps are a costume, like wearing a harness to a leather bar. Right? I consider the topic oh-so-carefully and provide some history of the garment. At least finding the pictures to use with this post was fun.

MedalGRABPositive vs. Negative: The Truce is Broken. My post about “the tense truce between HIV positive and HIV negative gay men” got me in some hot water (wait until you read the passionate comments!). I wrote about the angry responses I received to my video that praised HIV negative gay men, saying that a nerve had been struck that dealt with buried resentments between positive and negative. Some readers, though, just thought I came across as sarcastic in the video, and it was my style that ruined the substance.

BristolDancing Away the Sins of the Mother. The series Dancing with the Stars has a way of showing you a celebrity as you’ve never seen them before or, as in the case of Bristol Palin, allowing us to see her humanity and gumption and forget for a moment who the hell her mother is. Bristol has grown on me, and challenged my tendency to demonize opponents — and even by extension, their kids. Bristol’s future on the show doesn’t matter. She’s already done something amazing.

Kitty Surprise PICThe Top 5 Most Adorable Animal Videos. It’s shameful how spoiled my three dogs are. Thank God my partner is worse about it than I am. So you can imagine how much fun it was for me to research and then create this list. Warning to cat lovers: the list is dog heavy, but a few cute kitties make the grade.

The week is still unfolding; I’ll check back with more Bilerico posts later. Coming up next week: a great new video episode, wherein HIV exercise and nutrition expert Nelson Vergel takes me to the gym, cleans out my fridge, and lectures me about white bread.




  1. Anthony November 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Oh Mark,

    Screw ’em. What you are doing is brilliant and desperately needed. Don’t stop!!!!!

  2. Rich in Boston November 16, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Mark Bubbie
    Don’t get too discouraged with some of the nasty ass responses when you open up the POZ / NEG debate within the gay community. I’ve been in many of them over the years. Basically we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. I get all “up in your face” about it these days and do not suffer fools lightly that condemn or worse “pity” me.

    My own feeling is, as a POZ gay man, Neg guys fear me because I’m so much like them and they know that one slip up and it could happen to them. We represent a condition that they wish would go away. Blaming the victim is an easy way to feel better about yourself, sad but true. Society does it all the time for a verity of societal conditions.

    We (your fans) send out lots of love to you and keep it up!! F’um 

  3. jeremy November 17, 2010 at 3:10 am

    I am glad that I am beyond all of this. I follow your blog. Quite regularly. I am 43 – POZ 17 years. When I got out of the bar business many years ago, I left those issues behind. I moved country to Canada and by the way I am sober almost nine years now, I never walked into another bar again, save special occasions.

    I blog as well. But my readers are more concerned with abomination critiques and the fact I am a self confident university educated Religion major. I don’t have many angry gay readers, although my struggle with aids is on the blog for all to read. I learn a lot in sobriety. I am completely at peace with my body image and my t-cells are over 1500. I am clean and sober. I am married to a NEG. There was never any issue between us from the get go.

    Sometimes I wonder what your motives are. Your battle with self image and your biting critiques of populations. I hope when I grow up I don’t have to worry about all the things you write about. Lessons come in many forms, and reading what gay men/poz men write give me fodder to deal with in sobriety. I worry more about life as I grow older, but my doctor assures me that if I stay on course that I won’t have the worries you have today. Who cares what my ass looks like, it isn’t on display. I have my own body issues that I have long pined over, but I have come to realize just what is important.

    Our gay community here in Montreal is varied. We have the BEST treatment centers money can buy. But when it comes to community, we need a lot of help. I stay away from community, what I learned when I moved here taught me all I want to know about gay men in Montreal. There are very few resources for HIV poz men, something I find disconcerting. However hard I try to integrate I still fall short. If you aren’t part of the small circle of care, you are fucked and you go it alone. I offer my wisdom and knowledge to newly diagnosed here in the city. I get less and less calls for that since about five years ago.

    There are very few gay writers out there today, who were around back then. I find them here and there. I stay away from politics when I can, and I choose my battles wisely. You jump right into the thick of things, and I think that feeds your desire for attention, and that isn’t a bad thing. If you are single. I am married now 6 years.

    I think that what gay men lack today is empathy. They have no idea what it was like back then. Gay men still live fast, die young and leave good looking corpses. I never shy away from those topics. That I survived everybody I knew dying is a testament to what (I figure) I did right when it counted. There are very few story tellers to keep alive the horror that we lived through. The holocaust for example, lives on, and we faced our own. I don’t think that many gay men are concerned one iota about poz men, their stories or their lives. Only gay men who are associated by some degree of separation care. If it doesn’t concern them, then why bother.

    Sex is sex. There are very few voices out there who take the time to educate and rattle the cages of complacent gay men only out for a good looking piece of ass for the night. So we write, you write, I write, and our stories live on. We survived but you and I travel different paths. Very few gay men even know from the 80’s and 90’s. If we don’t speak up we will all be forgotten. The less they show the quilt, and the less air time World Aids Day gets the less we are thought about.

    It is good that you rattle the cages. I found your writing on the mark, but I am poz, we have the gift of gab, because it comes from a certain place within us. What NEG gay men fail to realize is that we grew up learning certain social skills they will never know about. We are perceptive to a fault. We can read bullshit at 50 paces. And we trust very rarely, and those we trust are special people. Trivial concerns are a dime a dozen. What is missing from gay dialogue is the give and take and the respect due us because we fucking lived. I know, who gives a shit right?

    When HIV has been your life for most of your life, you grow in ways regular gay men take for granted. They don’t see it nor care to know about it. Have you been on Grindr lately? All we can do is do what we do well, and from the right place in our hearts. I am sober, trivial things roll off my back like water. Shake the trees and do your best.

    You take yourself way too seriously. You’re alive. And we are getting old, and if we don’t speak we will be forgotten in the mad rush for sex. I write this out every once in a while to keep it fresh and in perspective … I miss the old days, when it was one day at a time, and I knew I was gonna die, I had a death date and all. Life was frenetic and just one big blur. (for 18 months while I waited to die) I survived…

    I miss living like I was dying, because that time period of my life was the BEST time I ever had. I worked in a bar where everyone had aids. We buried all of them, Only I and one other survived. If men knew what it felt like to live as if they were dying, I think that would change things in a big way. The farther I get from my diagnosis date the more I forget what it was like. That’s why I have a blog, so that I can remember. It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks about what we write. We fucking lived … Hallelujah…

    Choose your battles wisely…
    Jeremy in Montreal.

    (Gosh, Jeremy, that was… a lot. I hope you’ll “keep coming back” to my blog. Maybe my intentions will become clearer to you. They are simply to live joyfully and observe life around me. Like your comments, I too tend to take things seriously or take them with a sense of humor, depending on the day or my mood — or the paragraph. Thanks! — Mark)

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