Is there Pride in being HIV Positive?

October 30th, 2012

Is there Pride in being HIV Positive?

During my new video blog episode, below, someone asks me incredulously if I would actually march down the street telling people I was HIV positive.

Well, actually, I would. And have. Many Gay Pride parades ago, in 1994, I marched while wearing a t-shirt that said “NO ONE KNOWS I’M HIV POSITIVE.” This was prior to the advent of protease inhibitors, when many were still dying. The shirt felt like an enormous “screw you” to the virus, to the body count, and to anyone who had a problem with my status.

But I have a peculiar lack of shame, or if you will, I’m shameless. And I am very, very fortunate that I can exercise this trait with a minimum of consequences. It’s not something that many people with HIV are able to do. Why? Beyond their personal reticence, there is still an appalling lack of empathy (and education) within families, workplaces, and social networks. The issue of HIV criminalization and the increased prosecutions of people for not disclosing their status only increases the risks of sharing your status.

It may be instructive to point out that, unlike cancer or diabetes, people with HIV are stigmatized, rejected and even prosecuted for their status — and not a small amount of social stigma comes from within our community (HIV is the only viral condition for which you can be prosecuted for not disclosing, even though others, such as Hep C, have become deadlier). I believe one antidote to stigma is pride, and by taking pride in our HIV status we can foster a feeling of responsibility and openness — to seek medical care, to disclose to our partners, to serve as models for those who are too afraid of HIV to even get tested.

During the Atlanta Pride parade and festival, I tried to reconcile my own “HIV OUT” status with those who can’t speak for themselves, and I investigated a simple question: if HIV is nothing to be ashamed of, can it be something to be proud of?

Thanks for watching, and please be well.

Mark

PLUS…

There’s one thing that Volttage (the new online dating site for HIV positive gay men) will never lack: artwork of hot naked men. Not when it has been created in part by HIV hottie and physique model Jack Mackenroth. If you’re gay and poz and single, you might appreciate a dating site in which the maddening question “are you clean?” will never be asked. This kind of selective coupling is known as serosorting (check out the video tour of an HIV positive sex club I did last year), and it can be helpful to both peace of mind and HIV infection risk. But of course, love always enjoys complicating things, so save some room in that heart of yours, just in case the man of your dreams is HIV negative!

Tags: culture, drag, gay, gratitude, hiv, Recreation, Sexuality

12 Responses to “Is there Pride in being HIV Positive?”

Lynda M O Says:
October 30th, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I had not heard of Volttage prior to reading about it just now. What a great idea.
Matt Says:
November 2nd, 2012 at 3:25 pm

LOVE definitely does complicate everything!
Barb Says:
November 4th, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I think the question of internal or self stigma is huge. As an HIV+ woman, living with this disease for 20 years, I know the shame we heap on ourselves can often be the worst.
I am working on a statewide anti stigma campaign called NO in CO for World AIDS Day. It specifically targets the general population but fighting stima in any form and any population is POWER.
Janice Cadwell Says:
November 5th, 2012 at 12:00 pm

As a straight negative supporter for full equality NOW and working for a cure for HIV/AIDS, I have met the most courageous, compassionate and compelling people who are positive. You are on the front lines of fighting stigma, ignorance and fear. I am humbled by you. Nobody can seriously argue that apathy is okay in the face of these challenges. Never forget how valuable you are to all of us in this world.
Jeff Coulter Says:
November 5th, 2012 at 12:03 pm

It’s a complicated question. Am I “proud” of being HIV+. Probably not. But I am proud of the fact that I refuse to be stigmatized because of my status. For me, Eleanor Roosevelt hit the nail on the head when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I choose not to feel inferior because I am HIV+, and when I read those ads that say, “DDF, UB2″, I say to myself, “You may be today honey, but you won’t be for long!”

For me, if there is such a thing as poz pride, it comes from a place of knowing when and where to disclose, and that in disclosing I am not presenting myself as an end-cap item, desperate for acceptance. HIV is something that I have. It is not who I am or how I am defined.
Trevor Hoppe Says:
November 5th, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Mark, as always you’re asking powerfully provocative and important questions. I think it’s time for a discussion on this topic of Pride. It was certainly a powerful force against stigma for LGBT folks, and it may prove a useful discourse for poz communities. Of course, LGBT pride became a kind of apolitical, commercialized venture — but that was a product of its success. It would have been unthinkable 30-40 years ago when “Pride” was first being adopted by gay and lesbian orgs that companies like Absolut would end up co-opting their language. I think it could hold some potential for poz communities.
Suncoast AIDS Theatre Project Says:
November 5th, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Once again, Mark, Thank You for these insights, thoughts and laughs.
Mark on the Hinterland Says:
November 6th, 2012 at 1:33 am

I don’t know if I am proud to be pozzie, but I am proud to have survived it for more than 27 years.
I had never heard of Voltage, but I think I will check it out. I recently had my crix hump removed and look a bit less like Quasimodo, so who knows, even old queens like myself might have a shot. Thanks for your ever-inciteful look at pozzie life.
Topic Change for Wednesday Nov 7, 2012 « POZitive Attitudes Says:
November 7th, 2012 at 5:45 am

[...] such a thing? Why or why not? This is from Mark S. King’s blog My Fabulous Disease; Click here to view. Rate this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like [...]
Ken Says:
November 7th, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and have always been enriched by its content. This one, however, really hit home. Like another gentleman said, I am not proud of being positive. It is something I have but it does not define who I am. Thanks for VOLTTAGE. I am going to check it out immediately.
Anne Says:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:26 am

As always ,you bring visibility, compassion and a clear eyed account of an often troubling decision–to disclose or not. That is the question, and you have supplied a resource for those searching for an answer. Not everyone will opt for pride, but all should expect and receive acceptance. Keep up the good work!
Liam Says:
December 4th, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Thanks for the Voltage suggestion. Probably much better than HIVNET.com or HIVChatCity. I live in the rural part of Alabama and have to attend a ghetto clinic where I have to jump thru hoops and wait 2.5 hours before I can even get bloodwork results. But, I work and have insurance but am still below Alabama’s poverty level. I have no problem telling anyone about my status. What really bugs me is the guys who post on profiles that they are negative as of blah blah blah such date. Like it couldnt creep up. I am also trying to get on the Atlanta Gay Pride committee for 2013. I lived there for five years and worked at Backstreet, Hoedowns, Heretic as a bartender so I really miss the city life and try to get there as much as I can as I still have friends at Ansley Mall. I try and keep a positive (no pun) attitude and am always willing to participate in fund raisers or parades or benefits for anyone who needs help.